Dads, right? They love us no matter what we do! But what if we took the time to round up a Gallup-size poll of dads across the nation to figure out just what exactly they really want their (first born! No secondsies or daughters!) sons to become when they grow up? Well, guess what? Here’s a top 10 with just that very information!
Top 10 Hot Jobs for Sons (According to Dads)
1. Pro Sports Player
Dads love sports! What better way to make dad proud than to spend hours and hours, showering and running tightly choreograhed “plays” with other men — all in skin tight pants?! Dads agree unanimously: this is #1!
2. Sports Coach
Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t play, coach! Sure, the wives aren’t as hot, but if you’re coaching NCAA, the pay is much better than the athletes’. Also, you get to make your own hours!
You might know him as “the boss,” but this is his technical title. Big-shot here runs the show, and when the company inevitably tanks it and everybody gets fired/goes to jail, guess who doesn’t? Mr. CEO.
Kinda like the CEO.
5. RNC Chairman
6. Army Guy
Well, if you’re not gonna be rich, dads want you to at least not disappoint them by instead being a professional badass. Plus, dad gets to vicariously wear military paraphernalia, kind of like how he does if you go to (a good) college, but here he also gets the added bonus of earning misplaced respect from strangers at the hardware store!
7. Navy Guy
Hey, not bad!
8. Nurse Practitioner
Dads these days are pretty progressive, and polling data suggests that they also don’t want to pay for all-the-way medical school.
9. Gay professional
Like I said, dads are progressive as hell now. Can you imagine getting to be the dad that brags about how cool he is with his son being gay? Oh man, I’m droolin’ just thinking about it! Let’s say that there’s another dad and you catch him talking trash about your kid. You could, like, just go to town on that guy bare-knuckle and nobody would judge you for it. Do you understand how rare it is for a full-grown man to find an opportunity to get into a completely righteous fistfight? Having a gay son is a dream come true for dads.
10. Yoga Instructor
“Oh, god. No. [Quiet sobbing.] A hundred grand for a liberal arts degree, and this is how you repay me? You get out. You get OUT of this HOUSE. Your mother did this to you, didn’t she? DIDN’T SHE?! YOU AREN’T MY SON. You were a mistake,” said 89% of dads polled!
Stay tuned for Top 10 Mother’s Day Gifts for Mom (spoiler alert: You just being there is enough!).