Blags,

There have been a lot of commercials lately, trying to get me to buy abused animals or hungry kids, or something. It’s a pretty heavy guilt trip for a guy who’s trying to drink while watching TV, and it’s a real head-scratcher when you consider the fact that, if I had a conscience, I wouldn’t be watching TMZ in the first place. Pretty much a demographic misfire.

But Alyssa Milano and Sarah McLachlan don’t understand my struggle. And how could they? They’re rich beyond my wildest dreams. They have only a binary understanding of the wealthy (them) and the needy. It completely overlooks my socioeconomic class: The Wanty.

But what we lack in size and taste, we'll more than make up for in excessive engineering, inflated value and niche marketing. What are you up to, Japan?

Wantiness is my generation’s true struggle. Our grandparents understood Need, via The Great Depression and World War II (they really got right up in it). Our parents, the Baby Boomers, learned this lesson as a cautionary tale, then proceeded to set their horde upon consuming any and all possible resources in order to avoid reluctantly masticating the pulpy texture and salty taste of Need ever again. The Boomers invented Want (in an effort to make their neighbors feel bad about themselves), which they then passed to their children, minus the resources and world standing to continue to back it up. We are now a germinating patch of Wantermelons — we crave success and material wealth, but there simply isn’t enough to go around anymore. Plus, the Chinese, or whatever.

The solution is, of course, to give us all phones with unlimited data plans so we can stare at them while ignoring our lives until our steady diet of corn starch and animal steroids turns us all into super soldiers. I, for one, embrace this future. Not because it’s bright — but because it’s ours.

Other stuff: Check out this list of movies I found. The common theme seems to be that they all make you feel psychologically uncomfortable. Good way to bang out a paranoia-inducing weekend after a long, relaxing week at work! http://www.listal.com/list/mindfuck-xiceser

Oh, and speaking of Want: make my life easier and email me pretty much anything to work with — questions, comments, hate mail, whatever — at TheMailBLAG@gmail.com.

Keep it crispy,

-BLAG